Parent Resources Fall 2020
There are many ways that we can come together to support our students. To get started, below are a few suggestions for parents to begin laying the groundwork for our students to be prepared for school this year.
Flexibility
Begin to discuss with your child that this school year will look and feel different from past years, and even from this past spring. There will be times that they are at school learning, and time that they are learning remotely from home. For children who have difficulty adapting to change, it can be helpful to acknowledge that at the outset, and to identify things steps you can take to help to ease these transitions when they occur. You might even explore finding a verbal shorthand that you can refer back to (e.g., ‘Let’s all take five,’ or ‘Change is hard; take a stress break and we can start over.’) For many students, stepping away and taking slow, deep breaths can be the restart they need when they are feeling overwhelmed.
Build a successful learning space
Many of us have learned important lessons from the spring, especially the importance of having a dedicated learning space, with few distractions. Even if the space is relatively small, having a committed space where students can attend school remotely (and parents working remotely can do their work) this year will be an important factor in their success. It can be helpful to reduce the amount of distractions, provide a moderate amount of fidgets (provided they don’t distract from work), and to position the screen so that it can be viewed easily by parents as they walk by.
Healthy Sleep Routines
Many of our daily routines have been upended by the pandemic, and the summer vacation only heightened that for many of our students. A healthy diet and getting enough sleep are among the most important factors for academic success, as well as mental health. This is particularly true for teens, who tend to stay up late – and then sleep in – when the daily structure of school is removed. It will be important to have students begin practicing daily sleep and wake routines 1-2 weeks prior to the beginning of school. This can be phased in over time, with students setting alarms progressively earlier as the school year approaches.
Commit to an Open Dialogue This Year
This pandemic has taken a toll on everyone. For kids and teenagers, the losses of time with friends and teachers, of sports and events, and of their routines, has been extraordinary. Our students need permission to feel the full range of feelings that they are experiencing. Discuss with your family what outlets each member needs when they are feeling difficult feelings. These can be dealt with via physical exercise, music, family meetings (below), alone time, or talking with friends or family members. Opening a dialogue on healthy vs. unhealthy coping strategies now, can help to build in times for each member of the family to get what they need. Please reach out to a licensed clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, or social worker if you feel a need further assistance in creating this space.
Daily Routines
Children do best when they have a clear and predictable routine. In a non-pandemic year, students know what they can expect when they arrive to class. This level of routine is difficult to replicate during virtual instruction, but a clear and predictable daily routine helps both children and parents, as both know what to expect as we begin our days. Routines provide students with a sense of security, which enables them to focus their energy on their schoolwork. A good, predictable routine can be like an extra parent, helping to structure the day, reduce conflict, and limit uncertainty.
Family Meetings
Remote learning impacts every member of the family. Routines are disrupted, and sharing space can lead to confusion and frustration. Make a time each week, perhaps on the weekend, to discuss and plan for the week ahead; graphic organizers or calendars can be helpful to keep track of everyone’s schedules. If you need help setting up a family meeting routine, don’t hesitate to reach out to one of Lab’s social workers or other related service providers.
Schedule Time for Fun
This pandemic has taken away many of the events and outings -- movies, theater, vacations, and sports -- that we all enjoy. It is important to plan for and cultivate fun whenever you can, to lift everyone’s moods, and to support healthy family functioning and relationships. Small events, such as family game night or movie night, special desserts, visiting with other families in ways that feel safe, or just spending time together in positive ways are important for everyone’s mental health, and to keep family relationships healthy.
Mark the days, and the weekends
We all experienced the days blurring into one another during the pandemic spring. Finding ways to mark the week -- and weekend -- are important to our mental health, as they give us a needed respite from screens and work. Whether it be a particular food that you eat on Friday night, or a family game night, or a zoom call with grandparents, weekly routines are important.
Discuss the importance of physical wellness breaks
Get moving. Physical activity has been one of the biggest casualties of this pandemic. While we are not able to engage in group activities or sports, there still are many ways that our students can get active, inside and outside. Kids can run, walk, bike, and scooter, and brief bursts of physical activity throughout the day are important for both physical and mental health. For older teens, there are many apps that have workout routines that require just a bit of space, and their own body weight.
Focus on opportunities for connection
Spending most of our time with family members causes stress, and can strain relationships. One way to alleviate this is to intentionally create subgroups within the family on occasion. If you are a two-parent family, identify times that one parent gets a break (long walks, social distanced visits with friends),so that the other parent has time with a child; or that one night a week, each parent gets one-on-one time with a child, can provide needed respite, and foster individual family relationships. For single parents, identifying an adult who can enter your family space safely, provide support and companionship, and provide a needed respite so that you can get some alone time is among the best things you can do for your own mental health.
Technology Use
Excessive technology use often goes hand in hand with sleeping difficulties. While technology is essential for both learning and for social connection during a pandemic, it is also a powerful distraction from the task at hand. A few basic questions – ‘What For? Why now? and What else (could you be doing)? can help to shed light on the purpose and function of your child’s technology use. Discussing technology with teens during remote learning can be difficult, but the conversations can be worth it. If your child has difficulty managing technology during remote learning, identifying your ‘non-negotiables’ is important. For a full set of recommendations and resources regarding how to help structure technology use during virtual learning, see our Digital Wellness Recommendations below or click here for a PDF.
Creative Outlets
Art, imagination, music, and creativity. These are things that we still have access to during the pandemic, and that provide incredible stress relief. Whatever your child’s creative outlet is, encourage them to find healthy ways to express it. If they haven’t found one, help them to find it.
Personal Space & Parent Time Outs
One of the many things that students are missing while we are engaged in virtual learning, is time away from their parents. Students need breathing room away from parents to feel independent, to make their own decisions (and mistakes), to explore their identity, and to navigate their own relationships. As we have all learned, parents need this ‘away time’ as well. ‘Parent time-outs’ can help this in several ways. For younger children, this can involve letting children have ‘alone time’ in their room, uninterrupted, or letting them play independently in a safe outside space, with parents far enough away for kids to play on their own. For older children, it might involve parents taking a well-deserved hike or bike ride while the kids are home on their own for an hour or two. A bit of time away during this time does a world of good for parents and kids alike.
Digital Wellness Recommendations for Parents in 2020:
(Click here for a pdf chart of the recommendations below.)
Discuss with your child the importance of prioritizing schoolwork before entertainment or social media. For students who have difficulty with this during remote learning, create a visual list of assignments and projects that need to be completed. Decide on a check-in time, and review progress every hour, or more or less frequently, if needed. Dry erase boards, or other ways to keep tasks in view are helpful.
Movement breaks are not only helpful for physical and mental health, but can also help with focus and attention, and can help calm or alert your child depending on their energy level. “Heavy work” activities can be particularly calming and focusing. Such activities are those that provide input to the muscles and joints (jumping, pulling, pushing). We recommend that your elementary-age or intermediate-age child take a 5-minute movement break every 30-45 minutes, and that your junior-high-age or high-school-age child take a 5-10 minute movement break every 60-90 minutes.
Gross motor skills and activities
40 Heavy Work Activities For Kids
Build in as many technology routines as you can, as routines smooth out parenting and can reduce conflict. Examples include placing devices on the charger (in a public room) one hour before bedtime; A daily, technology-free hour for physical activity in the afternoon; no devices until after breakfast and morning routines. For younger students, if they are spending hours on devices for remote instruction, it is recommended that they have a period of technology-free time for physical activity, and other non-technology based play.
In this pandemic, with ubiquitous technology, it is helpful to establish technology-free places and times. These can include: Family meals; Bedrooms (especially at night); Family Visits; Before Breakfast; After 9 (or 10)pm, whatever 'off-limits' rules work for your family.
This pandemic has taken a toll on all of us. Social distancing has made it hard for all of us to have the social interaction and support that we need. We encourage you to prioritize creating positive family time together. This means planning time during the week when family members know to clear their schedules to spend time together. All family members should be consulted, and have input into what the activity should be (parents get their input as well), with fun and togetherness being the goal. Many families take turns, with different members choosing the activity each time. Some of these activities can be technology-focused, such as movie nights or video game nights; they can involve physical activities, like hikes or bike rides; or trivia or board games. Use your imagination, and have fun.
Finding a Balance Between Family Time and Screen Time
Too much screen time? Even a small family ritual can help combat overuse.
We have all learned the hard way these past few months, that all technology use is not created equal. One important distinction involves 'isolated technology use' and 'shared use.' There is a time for both, of course. However, excessive time on screens in isolation is not healthy for students, which is challenging during a pandemic. With shared use activities, although screens are involved, there is a real-time, social element as well. Examples of shared use include: watching movies or shows together; playing video games together; sharing favorite videos or music with family members. Many of us have also experimented with multi-family, interactive games via zoom. Playing video games with friends (such as Xbox Live) is social, and should be acknowledged as such, but not the same as having in-person, live interaction.
Personal devices are different than shared devices, such as televisions or desktop computers. Personal devices encourage isolated technology use, while shared devices are easier to monitor, and encourage shared use. We recommend discussing these differences, and having different rules and restrictions on personal devices for shared devices. For example, you might require that personal devices go away after a certain time in the evening, but allow family members to watch television or movies together.
Digital guidelines: Promoting healthy technology use for children
It is important to remind our children that technology use is a privilege at any age, that they earn through responsible behavior. Technology use and rules should be guided by your family's values. When technology undermines family values, or family relationships, we encourage parents to have difficult conversations, and to address the issue directly. Remember that technology is not 'value-free.' It is designed to engage and keep our attention, which often interferes with other priorities, such as schoolwork, sleep, and in-person relationships. Therefore, it is important that we develop agreements to ensure that technology plays a useful, and not a disruptive, role in our lives.
We recommend that parents have access to all devices and social media accounts, at least through junior high school. Whether, and how often, parents monitor these accounts should be largely based on the degree of responsiblity and good decision-making that teens are able to demonstrate. If technology use does not interfere with school, physical activity, sleep and eating, mental health, and social relationships, children can earn more privacy. When there are negative impacts, privileges may change, and supervision can increase.
Parents' Ultimate Guide to Parental Controls
Control the devices connected to your router:
Two companies that are good that allows you take control of your home. They aren’t perfect, but the best that out there at the moment. This would allow you to use your old Mac and save some money. However, I still like ChromeBooks for kids because they are just easier to control. A lot less application fuss.
There are many resources, organizations, and podcasts that focus on the challenges of parenting, and growing up, in the digital age. Podcasts can offer a helpful way to hear from people involved in technology use with kids. Take time to familiarize yourself with these conversations, and engage your kids in them as well.
Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood
